Oh, Bother

What are five of the most underused words in the English language from parents? Hint: This phrase used to be commonplace, but has fallen out of favor—and use—in the recent decades.

“Go away. You’re bothering me.”

For some reason, these words cause modern parents to shudder and blanch, as if the words themselves could cause nuclear disaster if used within ear shot of their little darlings. I think that’s because we’ve lost focus as parents as to what our role is in relation to our children.

Our primary role is not to be parents, but to be a husband or wife. The marriage should be the center of the family, not the child. To help our children realize that, we must ignore them most of the time.

That’s where, “Go away. You’re bothering me” comes into play. It’s a reminder to them that they need to be about the business of doing their kid-thing while you do your grown-up thing. It’s a reminder that you are not their playmate. It’s a reminder that you are not there to entertain them. It’s a reminder that their job is to find something to do that doesn’t involve you.

Most of the time, your kids are underfoot because they are bored. Sometimes, it’s because they have simply gotten used to someone else—probably you—directing their play. They will find something to do if you ignore them and if they don’t, send them to their room.

But many parents are not comfortable with telling their kids that they are bothering them. Parents see those words as tantamount to saying they don’t love their children or that their children are not important to their parents.

That way of thinking shows just how far we have moved as a society from what previous generations intuitively knew: that kids were better off when they were not bothering adults. We’ve forgotten that children thrive when they are ignored by adults (seriously, don’t you remember finding out more about yourself when left alone for long periods of time?).

So I encourage you to start a revival in your own home of the phrase, “Go away. You’re bothering me.” You might be surprised by how effective those words can be—and how your kids will begin to figure out more things on their own.

Until next time,

Sarah