Q: Our son, a freshman, has had a difficult adjustment to high school. Socially, he seems fine, but he is exhibiting anxiety issues. He completes his homework on time, but it’s not always his best effort. However, he’s been flunking tests and quizzes. He has been saying that school is boring and he doesn’t see college in his future. I think he’s afraid of the future, which is why he’s given up on school. How can we help him to reach out to the school for help and get him to do his work?
A: High school is definitely a different animal than middle school, with harder subjects and more distractions. The good news is that he’s doing well socially. The not-so-good news is that his interest in friends could be contributing to the problem if he’s more interested in his social standing than his academic performance.
The bad news is you can do nothing to help him. It’s his work, not yours. If he wants to flunk out, then there’s little you can do to stop him. But do not despair! You can motivate him to solve this problem on his own. I’d recommend a weekly report that your son has to give to each teacher on Friday for their signature. The teachers would have to assert that your son is passing their class with a grade of “C” or better and is not missing any assignments. The report is cumulative to ensure consistent, good performance. Get the teachers’ buy-in before implementing the report by scheduling a meeting with them and going over the report. The report should be simple for the teachers to fill in.
Needless to say, it will be your son’s responsibility to get the teachers to sign the report each week. If he does not get “passing” ratings from all his teachers, then he’s under full restriction—no special events, after school activities, phone calls, electronic devices, etc.—until he brings home a report with all “passing” ratings.
The purpose is to put the responsibility for his grades on the shoulders of the only person who can solve the problem—your son. A system like this gives him clear expectations and a weekly chance to do well in school.
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