Several years ago, I saw an elementary school age girl on her scooter decked out in knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet. My immediate reaction was how stifling to have to wear all that equipment for a simple ride down a straight sidewalk with no hills or turns. Needless to say, my kids ride their scooters without that safety equipment, but they do wear helmets when riding their bikes (I’m not totally against all forms of safety!).
Now with warmer temperatures tugging the kids outside, the tension between parents wanting to protect our children from hurt and the inevitable scrapes, bruises, bloody knees and bee stings mounts to the point where we often prevent our children from experiencing discomfort.
More and more evidence is finding that the more we wrap kids in cotton wool to avoid physical—and emotional—pain, the more harm we’re doing. Specifically, we’re arresting the development of their ability to cope with failure.
Several years ago, an article in Psychology Today questioned whether we were raising a nation of wimps. The story pointed out that playgrounds have all-rubber cushioned surfaces with no merry-go-rounds with parents play-coaching their children on the equipment; hand sanitizers accompany kids everywhere, even to school; and more parents are trying to eliminate failure from their children’s lives.
The result? Kids who lack coping mechanisms for all types of pain, both physical and mental/emotional. “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure, we learn how to cope,” said child psychologist David Elkind, a Tufts University
One way we can let our kids experience failure is by letting them literally fall down. Seriously, a few skinned knees won’t hurt a child, nor will a broken arm or leg. Sure it will be painful and inconvenient, but it can also be the best learning experience of their young lives.
I’m not advocating letting your kids do truly dangerous things, but there’s a wide line between dangerous and Dangerous with a capital D. The latter should be avoided, but the former is instrumental in childhood. How else will a child find out how far he can push himself if he’s restricted to very narrow play parameters?
So as summer gets underway, remember that skinned knees are an important part of your child’s foundation—and that allowing him to experience failure will help him soar in later life.
Until next time,
Sarah
