Are you comfortable with saying those four words, “Because I said so,” to your child? Most parents would answer no, that those words can damage a child’s self-esteem and the parental relationship with the child.
That much-maligned phrase has become the pariah of parenting, the one thing you never want to be caught uttering to your children. Rest assured, dear reader, that I have uttered those words many times to my children and the sky hasn’t fallen.
But I will lay out my case for making “Because I said so” part of every parent’s vocabulary. Here are four excellent reasons why sometimes, it’s the only answer to a child’s question or comment.
- “Because I said so” reaffirms parental authority. Parents shouldn’t have to explain themselves constantly to their children. Let’s face it, our explanations are not going to be acceptable anyway because children aren’t logical beings, so we save ourselves—and them, too—from fruitless conversations or arguments.
- “Because I said so” gives a child an honest answer. Sometimes, the reason is only because you, the parent, want something done a certain way. That’s all there is to it, and using those four words conveys that to the child.
- “Because I said so” eliminates needless arguments between parent and child. Children are not going to understand our reasons for most things we do until they are parents themselves.
- “Because I said so” says the parent knows best for the child. Children have no concept of what’s in their best interest, so parents have to step in and guide them until the child reaches adulthood.
Keep in mind that “Because I said so” should never be shouted at a child, only delivered in a warm, resolute voice. The words are essentially asking the child to trust the parent to do the right thing. Kids don’t know what is the best thing for them—they are governed by emotions and wants.
As with any child-rearing method, use “Because I said so” sparingly, as it’s not right for every situation. Having a stock phrase like “Because I said so” will benefit both parent and child when it’s used judiciously, appropriately and lovingly. I encourage you to add it to your repertoire today.
Until next time,
Sarah
