A Terror At School

Q: My kindergartner is having trouble adjusting to school. He behaves at home because I make it clear I won’t tolerate misbehavior, but at school, he is out of control. School policy is to not restrict such a child, so no teacher is stepping in when he starts throwing things or destroying the classroom. Any suggestions for how to get him to behave in school?

A. The good news is that he’s shown he can control himself. After all, he does so at home. It’s likely he’s discovered that he can get way with bad behavior at school and that has feed his inner monster.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The other good news is that at this age, you can delay punishment for several days, so you can certainly institute consequences at home for misbehavior at school. Meet with the teacher and ask her to implement a simple, weekly behavior chart. My kindergartner brings home such a chart each day, with the day’s block colored in to show his behavior.

Print out such a chart and send it to school each Monday with your son. It’s his responsibility to give it to his teacher in the morning and to get it from her in the afternoon. Even five-year-olds can do this on their own.

The teacher rates his behavior on a color scale or numeral scale agreed upon. Only a full positive rating will be acceptable. Anytime the teacher indicates misbehavior at school, he receives punishment at home. If he fails to bring home the chart, then it’s the same as if he had misbehaved.

When he does bring home a chart indicating misbehavior, make the consequences memorable. For a five-year-old, confining him to his room (stripped of play value), an earlier-than-usual dinner and to bed directly afterwards usually makes a good impression.

If you’re consistent with the consequences, he’ll modify his behavior—eventually. He’s had a good run with being the classroom terror, so don’t expect overnight changes. But he will probably straighten up within a month or so.

PS: Don’t forget to give his teacher a little bit extra for the holidays—she probably wanted to do more, but many public schools hamstring their teachers so much that she can’t effectively curb such behavior.  

Coming in early 2014, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.