Q: Our teenage daughter calls my wife (her mother) her best friend. Our daughter has some trouble making and keeping friends (I think because she’s bossy and demanding). But hearing my wife referred to as my daughter’s best friend is a little strange to me. Her mother says to our daughter that she can’t be her best friend and mother, but I’m not sure she’s putting those words into practice. How should a mother view her relationship with her teenage daughter?
A: So many parents forget that the time for friendship is after the child has been fully emancipated from the home with her own job, apartment and full responsibility for bills and living expenses. During the teenage years, the parent should be more of a mentor and begin when the child reaches 13, to slowly move back from a more hands-on approach.
It sounds like your wife is moving into more of a friendship than a mentor relationship with your daughter. For your daughter’s sake, she should readjust to be more a mentor and not share as much as a friend would. Your daughter needs to have friends of her own, which she might not do as readily if her mother is fulfilling that role in her life.
Your part in all of this is to co-mentor with your wife. As the father, you need to be a mentoring parent. Your wife appears to have the head knowledge that she should not be her daughter’s best friend, but a gentle nudge reminder from you would probably be good. The time to be friends with your daughter will come, but until then, enjoy your time as a mentor.
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