What to Expect From a Toddler

Q: Our toddler (nearly two years old) is happy and independent, but suddenly, he’s started throwing things whenever we tell him no. His facial expression turns angry, too. He’ll usually comply with our request, but then he’ll cry, hit the wall with his hand or foot, or throw a toy across the room. We usually scold him for the behavior, but this has been getting worse. For example, any change in our routine is met with anger and outbursts.

A: There’s a reason this age is sometimes referred to as “terrible,” but take heart, he will outgrow it soon enough! For an excellent overview of this age and how to handle it, I highly recommend John Rosemond’s Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. This book has tons of sensible and commonsense advice, with plenty of questions and answers from parents.

But I’m here to help you with this problem. Here’s the bottom line: your son wants what he wants when he wants it. That’s the very basic definition of a toddler. And a toddler has no filters or self-control enough to stop himself when he’s denied what he wants when he wants it. That’s the background of his behavior.

Now on to the remedy. Ignore his outbursts after he has obeyed you. If his temper tantrums after the obedience become bigger than one toy tossed across the room or one wall kicked, then you should simply put him in his room or crib until he calms down. Don’t say anything to him about his behavior beyond a concise, “No throwing.” He’ll get the picture, but things might get worse before he does, which, again, is typical at this age.

Finally, remember that part of his job as a toddler is to test limits and figure things out. His frustration level is extremely low, and with your patient and consistent correction, it will grow higher as he grows up. Keep in mind that our children—at any age—are likely to do any number of weird, strange, and terrible things. That’s just how kids are, and the more you can keep that in the front of your mind, the more you’ll be able to respond calmly and collectively to his misbehavior.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.