Forget Me Not

Q: What can we do when our fourth grader forgets to take her homework, lunch, violin, etc., with her to school? It used to not happen too often, but lately it seems that every week, she’s getting on the bus without something. I’ve been driving the item to school for her. How do I get her to remember what she needs each day for school?

A: The quick answer is that you stop bringing whatever she’s forgotten to school. Now I’ll answer your objections (because I’m almost positive there will be objections to this dose of reality on such a tender person).

First, ask yourself whose things have been forgotten, yours or your daughter’s? Right, your daughter’s. You’re not in fourth grade, so those are not your things left lying on the kitchen table.

Second, if it’s not your things, but your daughter’s, then who should have the responsibility of remembering said items? Right again, your daughter. You can see where I’m heading, can’t you?

Third, if it’s your daughter’s responsibility to remember her school things, then how does your bringing the forgotten item to school help her to take that responsibility? Right for the third time: It doesn’t. It only reinforces that she doesn’t have to remember because mommy will bring the item to school if the daughter forgets.

Now, before you object that your little darling will starve if you don’t bring her lunch, all public elementary schools will give a child cold cereal if that child forgets her lunch and doesn’t have any money on her lunch card. So rest assured that she will be fed.

For the other objection that I’m sure is flitting through your mind, that she will fail in some way that day’s music lesson or project, then I say, “So what?” Is it better for her to learn in elementary school—when the stakes for forgetting something are much lower—to be responsible for her school work or when she’s a senior in high school and that missed project could impact her grade point average?

And yes, if any one of my children forget a project on the day that it’s due, don’t remember their lunch or anything else school-related, we are perfectly prepared to let said child experience the full, natural consequences of that forgetfulness. Most of the time, all it will take is one time, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly the child will become at remembering everything needed for school.

See how easy it is to figure these things out with a little commonsense and some clarity of thought?

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.