Meltdowns! (And We’re Not Talking About Ice Cream)

Q: My four-year-old son keeps throwing temper tantrums in stores. It usually starts when I deny him something he wants (cereal, candy, a coloring book, etc.). As soon as I say “no,” down on the floor he goes, kicking and screaming. I confess that I’ve given in because I’m so embarrassed, but I know that’s not going to stop the tantrums. What can I do?

A: First of all, let me assure you that we’ve all had kids meltdown in public, whether it’s in a store or a restaurant or at the park. Please don’t think the majority of people are judging you because your child has become a squirming mass of temper.

Second, you can cure your son of his public—and private—outbursts with a little planning and thick skin. The planning will help you not be caught off guard when the tantrum ensures, the thick skin will help you follow through on those plans.

Here’s what you do. Each day, visit a store for no other reason than to train your child on how to behave. Have a few things you can buy on a list but don’t expect to do any major shopping. This is purely for his benefit.

Then give him explicit instructions, but only three or four at the most. Those might include

1. Hold my hand inside the store.
2. Don’t touch unless you ask permission.
3. We’re only going to get what’s on my list.

Finally, off to the store. Plan on staying about half an hour, browsing around to give him a chance to throw a temper tantrum (yes, you read right—you are hoping he will have a meltdown so you can put phase two into action). When he asks for something not on the list—and his previous behavior has indicated he will—simply say it’s not on the list and continue your shopping. When he starts to throw himself on the ground and cry, calmly leave your cart or basket, pick him up and leave the store.

Remember, you’re expecting this and already know what you’re going to do. Don’t comment on his behavior, simply buckle him in his car seat and return home. Then your son gets to spend the rest of the day in his room—stripped of play value—and to bed directly after an early dinner (5 p.m. is ideal, so he’s in bed by 5:30 p.m., lights out). One or two such trips with the same end result and he’ll straighten up—and you’ll be able to take him shopping without meltdowns.

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