Is Quitting Okay?

Q: Our eight-year-old son started playing basketball with a local league, and he hates it. He’d been begging us to let him try, but once he started going to the practices and games, he has changed his mind. My husband says he should stick it out for the season, which ends in four more weeks, but I think he should be allowed to quit now.

A: My two girls had a similar experience a few years ago with ballet. They had been begging me to take dance classes, and so I finally gave in and signed them up with a local dance studio that allowed you to pay by the month. We got ballet and tap shoes, leotards with little skirts and off we went to class. It wasn’t easy for me, with two younger brothers to entertain while the girls were in class, but I was willing to make a go of it.

After a four weeks—and after I had paid for the next month—the girls began to drag their feet when I told them it was time for dance class. Finally, one of them told me they didn’t want to take anymore. Apparently, it wasn’t what they thought it would be (no twirling in front of mirrors, more repetitive steps). Since we had paid for the next four weeks, I made them finish the course, then let them drop dance.

That would be my recommendation for your son. Unless there’s another reason for his change of heart, if he has discovered he doesn’t like basketball, then let him finish the season and stop. This will teach him to finish what he started whenever possible, and also that sometimes what we want isn’t always what we really want. He thought he wanted to play basketball, but the reality turned out differently.

In the future, if he expresses interest in something new—a sport, musical instrument, etc.—have him try it for a few weeks first before committing to a full season. For example, he could take group lessons to learn the basics of an instrument (that you rent, not buy) before you find a one-on-one teacher. For a sport, maybe your husband could take him to a professional or semi-professional sports team practice to give your son a fuller idea of how hard it is to learn the rules and moves required.

This will encourage him to investigate his interests a bit more before committing to it, which will make his continuing with the sport more likely—and avoid having him hop from one thing to another.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.